A special night
This weekend I met Kristofer Åström, singer in Fireside, and currently with a solo career. I love Kristofer, and have done since 1995.
Over the almost 13 years that I have in one way or another worked with music people have called me a groupie several times (either behind my back or to my face, sometimes jokingly, sometimes not), but I've never really been one. There are quite a few musicians that I've become enamoured with, but it's never been about sex. I have the best boyfriend in the world since 11 years, but I guess that's not proof enough, so I'll try to explain.
Many of my friends prefer to have their musical heroes on pedestals, and they don't want to know anything about them as real people. I'm the exact opposite: I want to know everything about them, I want to get to know them, I want them to know who I am. The reason is that I can't make music, I probably couldn't write a song if my life depended on it. That's why I admire the people who make the music that I love and I want to know all about them and their music. I'm not a groupie, I'm a fan.
My history with Fireside started around the time of their second album: "Do Not Tailgate", in 1995. I got the demo of the album at the Hultsfred festival that summer, it got stolen, but I got it back a few months later. I thought that the music was a bit too heavy for me; by that time they played more or less hardcore rock, but anyway I decided that I wanted to write about them in my fanzine Fozzie. I met Kristofer and bassist Frans Johansson in Uppsala before a gig at Kalmar Nation - it wasn't the best of interviews, but Kristofer said something that hit me later when they started playing.
I was standing in the front row when they came on stage, and they started with a song that I hadn't heard before. It was really down-tempo, with only two guitars and Kristofer sang: "I know sometimes I behave like a monster, but please don't walk away. You can keep me in your basement, as long as I can be with you". That hit me like a fist in my stomach, and I remembered what Kristofer said during the interview: "I'd prefer people to start crying when they see us live, rather than pogo dancing". I just stood there with a lump in my throat with people jumping around behind me, and Fireside had just become one of my favourite bands.
Some weeks later I went to see Fireside again at Östgöta Nation in Uppsala. It has to be said though: Kristofer was at that point the most beautiful boy I knew; with a delicate build and hair dyed black and I loved watching him on stage, I knew every detail, I knew exactly the way he tightened his lips when he sang, and the way he sometimes moved his right hand over the strings of his guitar (the fast upwards stroke with a sudden halt above the strings...).
After the gig I went with the band to an after-party next door, where they had a couple of rooms for the night. Me and Kristofer ended up at an abandoned mattress in the hallway, just talking for hours, until early morning. We talked about everything; music, love, deaths and sorrows, and it was just an amazing night - but nothing physical happened between us, even though I ended up spending the rest of the night sleeping next to Kristofer.
The funny thing is, that when I met Kristofer the other night he told me that the other guys in the band had teased him for days for "getting it on" with me! And a few years ago, a friend just happened to mention the time that I - allegedly - had slept with the drummer in a quite famous band, ten years ago. My jaw just dropped, because absolutely nothing had ever happened with that guy! I only ever met him one-on-one once, in a hotel bar in the afternoon, and there weren't even sparks between us. I was trying to avoid whining about gender here, but there is no avoiding it: had I been a male pop nerd, nobody would ever call me a groupie. But on the other hand, I guess I should be happy that people think I'm hot enough to get pop stars into bed. :)
* Nu såhär i efterhand kan jag väl erkänna: vi pussades godnatt. :) Men inte mer.
Och: när vi gick ut från källaren på morgonen spelades Take That "Never Forget" någonstans ifrån, och Kristofer sa att han tyckte det var en grym låt. Själv tyckte jag att Take That väl måste vara töntiga, de var ju ett pojkband, men Kristofers kommentar fick mig att våga lyssna på dem, och: de var ju fantastiskt roliga!
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